


nepeta leijon was her name

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-20
Updated: 2013-04-20
Packaged: 2017-12-09 00:42:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/767993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone else died, so the Beta kids took Karkat with them to their new universe. Karkat lost his memories of all that happened before and during the game, but he regains them suddenly - and some are more painful than others.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. flood

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fic for Homestuck so please don't critique too hard OTL
> 
> Originally written as a fluffy nepkat piece for my moirail but turned into a multi-parter with sadstuck and johnkat...
> 
> EDIT: changed the POV from a weird 3rd person to 2nd person. this'll flow better and be much easier to write.

_Nepeta Leijon was her name. And she was my friend._

You couldn’t remember much. A flash of color here and there, a misplaced voice inside your head, a familiar way of typing, perhaps, but nothing clear. Nothing real. Until one day, there was a spark. That turned into a flame. And into a memory.

It was all because of a playful little grey kitten batting at your hair.

_Karkitty, you shouldn’t be so grrrumpy all the time! I bet your face would look even more purrfect with a smile on it!_

You knew that voice.

That was…that was someone you knew. Someone you liked? Wait. Yes. It was.

Nepeta.

Nepeta Leijion.

Roleplayer, hunter, shipper, meowbeast fanatic. Wait, meowbeast? No, cat. Cat fanatic. Meowbeast isn’t even a word.

_Your hair is so poofy! Like a kitten that just got all scared! Is that why you’re so angry, karkitty? Are you scared of something?_

_No. Fuck no. What would I have to be scared of? I’m the fearless leader, you know that._

_Of course, I furgot! Heehee!_

_Well, actually…there might be one thing I’m scared of._

_Oh?_

_Yeah. Losing you._

_Oh…_

_Not just you, dipshit! All my friends. All the assholes I’ve grown to know and hate. If they all just disappeared…I don’t know what I would do then._

_Aw…don’t worry, Karkitty! We won’t leave you, I purromise!_

_I guess I’ll just let myself believe that for now._

 

They left you.

They’re gone.

But the memories aren’t.

They all start coming back. They’re painful, and you can’t do much to stop them. You just sit in your room, clutching your aching head as thought after thought, person after person, tragedy after tragedy rushes back to your mind. You're reliving your whole life again. It’s your life, right? Not just some malicious hallucination?

Eventually the thoughts stop their rushing, and die down to no more than a trickle, a dull throb in the back of your mind. You feel a lot heavier now. Maybe you should ask one of his friends what’s happening to you. The real ones. The ones that made this new universe and brought you with them.

Dave doesn’t answer to the messages sent to him in frantic grey text. Neither does Jade. Rose is offline, so you don't even try. The only one left that might have something to say is John. It’s worth a shot.

CG: EGBERT. I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

EB: oh hey karkat! youre finally awake, huh?

CG: SO I WAS IN A COMA FOR HOW LONG?

EB: well i wouldnt call it a coma, really. but yeah you were out. for like 6 sunrises? i think those count as days. and then some!

CG: I’M TOO DAZED TO CARRY ON A COHERENT CHAT OVER THIS CLIENT.

CG: CAN YOU JUST COME HERE?

EB: sure! ill be right there, just let me go tell jade and rose where im going.

You sigh and lean back against the pale grey wall. You don't remember being in this room before. Maybe your friends took you here so you wouldn't make any more of a fool of yourself in your stupid babbling incoherent hallucinating state. What an idiot you were.

For a bit there are no thoughts. It’s nice, the quiet. It’s like it was before this happened. Before that stupid cat. And that stupid memory. That stupid lot of memories.

A knock on the door indicates that John is here. Wow, he’s quick. Maybe it’s because of those blue pajamas he wears or something. No, no. God Tier. That’s what he is and that’s why he can go so fast. Because of the Gust or something lame and windy sounding like that. These new old memories are making everything so much more difficult and easier at the same time.

...Enough of this. Answer the door already.


	2. downpour

You do no more than growl a “come in” to the blue-eyed boy standing at the door. John comes in and sits down beside the sullen troll with his back against the wall, and nothing is spoken for several minutes. The silence is only broken by a quiet, muffled sob that devolves into hitched, uneven gasps and breathing.

You’re crying.

You’re crying and you can’t stop it hurts it all hurts where did they all go why did they have to die especially her why please make this stop you want to forget again and –

_shhhh_

_shhhhhhhhhhh_

_karkat its going to be okay_

_listen to me_

_can you hear me_

_shhhhhhhshshshhhh_

Your mind stops rushing as a hand reaches over to your back and begins to rub in big, slow circles.

_breathe_

Pale red tears fall from your eyelashes and melt into the fabric of your worn long-sleeved t-shirt. You’re curled into a ball, arms clutching legs to chest, head tucked down.

_its ok_

_im here_

_and rose and jade and dave_

_were here_

_we wont leave you karkat_

_i promise_

_Aw, don’t worry karkitty! We won’t leave you, I purromise!_

Another sob makes its way up from your chest to your throat and breaks out of your mouth that you’re desperately trying to keep shut. You can’t stop it. The tears keep coming.

You almost can’t process the hand on your back lifting away to be replaced by the warm, almost suffocating embrace of blue that smells of sunlight and grass and feels like

feels like

her

_There’s no need to cry, Karkat! I’m here, it’s okay now!_

_You had to save me, I’m stupid and a shitty leader. I can’t even fight low-level monsters without getting beaten up and having to cry for help like a grub that’s too brain-dead to wriggle its way towards its lusus without drowning in its own copious amounts of snot and drool._

_Shhhhhh._

_shhhhhh_

_i dont know exactly whats wrong but its going to be okay_

_its all right_

_you can cry on me_

Pale red is soaking into the blue of John’s hood. It’s the same blue of the hat and paws and tail of Nepeta. The last person you remember crying like this to. But it’s different. It’s full of so much more pain, so much more fear, so much more.

You almost feel like you’re betraying her.

Then one last memory clicks into place.

It’s of nothing but four card suits. A red heart. A pink diamond. A grey club. A black spade.

And you remember why this is different.

_I’m so red for you, Karkat. Seeing you this way…I just want to protect you and make sure you never have to be hurt or sad ever again._

_I don’t need protection. I can take whatever steaming, pungent shit life flings in my face._

That was when she kissed you.

It was deep and passionate, from a lifetime of unsaid crushes and unrequited feelings, being released in a form reserved for the reddest of matesprits.

Now, with John’s face buried into your chest, you relax your body and return his hug. He looks up, tears in his own eyes, and his head moves to align with yours.

That was when he kissed you.

It was soft and sweet, from a lifetime of friendship and comfort, of times shared, being released in a form reserved for the palest of moirails.

Even though he was human, there was no mistaking this. As you melted into the kiss, your tears stopped flowing. As your bodies pressed together, your chest stopped heaving in sobs.

Maybe if this is what comes from getting your memories back, the pain is almost worth it.

Who are you kidding?

“A moment of bliss is worth a lifetime of suffering.”

-Karkat Vantas

You’re almost certain your own muddled think pan said that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrapped up a lot quicker than I thought it would. Hope you enjoyed it! Please leave kudos and/or comment if you liked it!


End file.
